I can’t believe I’m about to write this, but here it goes…
I don’t think I was ready for this school year to end. In fact, I didn’t want this school year to end. There. I wrote it. This year was just different. The kids were different. The vibe in our classroom was different. I was different. Always trying to find the impossible balance between mom and teacher, I’d typically meet the end of the school year without hesitation, ready to toss the teacher hat to the side and proudly don that mom hat, preferably at the beach. But this year just didn’t feel that way, and I think I know why. In the past I’ve been what you (might) consider a strict teacher. I felt it was my job to prepare my students for the next assessment, the next standardized test, even the next grade level. But when you’re constantly looking forward, you’re never right there. Then it happened. In this case, it was my daughter, seven years old and in 2nd grade, being handed a chromebook at school. I’m pretty strict when it comes to technology as a mom, but it was more than that. As a writing teacher, I felt like her little fingers were not yet ready to capture what her imagination had to offer, then spill those thoughts through her hands onto the screen. In my heart, I felt the words must first flow through the pen to paper. Using a tool that she was comfortable with, her thoughts wouldn’t be interrupted by overthinking the keys. So I mentioned this to her teacher, who had the best intentions, of course. She agreed in part, but said she was trying to get the kids ready for third grade. The response that came out of my mouth was something along the lines of, “Yes, I totally get it.” My head, though, screamed something a little more like, But they aren’t in third grade! The are in SECOND grade! Why push them? They are only seven ONCE! That voice was quickly quieted by another voice. One I like to call hypocrisy. It said, Umm Hello, Suzanne! You are aware that you do the same exact thing with your students! Why is this not okay for your daughter, but just fine for the sons and daughters that sit in your classroom each day? Not okay. That’s when things changed. This year I would teach my classes like a mom who also happens to know a thing or two about English. And here’s where I think the universe conspired to make sure I knew I was making the right choice. I happened to have been blessed with the best, brightest, kindest, up-for-anything-I threw-at-them students in the universe. Truly. Things we did differently, now that Mom was teaching:
Here’s the thing that happens when you’re truly present. You don’t really look forward. I was so completely engaged in what we were doing in each moment, that it didn’t occur to me to look too far into the future for my students or myself. We were just right there. Where we were. Present. So on June 14th, when one of my kids screamed, “Mrs. Crowley, we only have five days left!” My response was, “No, but there’s so much more we can do! I don’t feel like we’re done yet.” Because, really, when is mom ever ready to let her kids go? For any of my students who might be reading this, thanks for an awesome year, for being great sports, excellent guinea pigs, and for giving me your best. I’m sorry I didn’t say it before, I just wasn’t ready for it to be over. Oh, and these kids are going to rock seventh grade…
2 Comments
|
AuthorSuzanne Crowley: middle school English teacher, middle child, mid-career, mid-life. And in the middle of it all, mommy. Archives
July 2017
Categories |